Keeping Distance
by Catnip-WiseGirl007
Summary: "I'm willing to make the sacrifice. I'm willing to be the one who's crying silently, who cry himself to sleep. I'm willing to say I love you whenever he's not listening. I'm willing to go through all the heartache as long as he's happy and comfortable. Even though I'm not the reason of his happiness." A Dameron sogfic based on Christina Perri's 'Distance'.


**A/N: To be honest? I don't know why I write this.**

**I found myself listening to Distance by Christina Perri. Then this idea pops out of no where. I try to ignore it. Bad move. The idea haunts me everywhere. When I'm eating, when I'm studying, when I'm doing my Finals (Yes, it was that bad). So, here it is.**

**Disclaimer: Damian and Cameron are not mine.**

* * *

Sun is filling up the room

_And I can hear you dreaming  
Do you feel the way I do  
Right now_

The first thing I hear when I open my eyes this morning is his voice. A hint of smile appear on my lips as listen to the song he's singing, which I immediately recognized as the song that he had been trying to finish for a week.

After laying there for a while, just listening to him, I kick my blanket off me and stand up. Quietly, I walk toward the living room, where I know I could find him, and take a peek. I smile as I watch my best friend, sitting near the window and leaning on a table beside his seat to write something. Unaware that he's being watched, the blonde boy strums his guitar and sings his song from the beginning. I close my eyes and smile as he listened to the song.

I love it when he's singing or writing a new song. He always seems much more alive, like fireworks are bursting out of him, showing off his true colors. His hopes, his dreams, his emotions, his feelings. He always pours them into his music. But what I love the most when I hear Cameron sing is that I always feel loved by him. And not as friend or brother, but more. Even though it seems impossible.

I found it confusing sometimes. At night, I would just lay on my bed and stares at the ceiling. Just trying to figure Cameron out. Especially what his unclear feelings toward me. Trying to sort all the mix signal he showed.

_Wish we would just give up  
Cause the best part is falling  
Call it anything but love and I will_

_Make sure to keep my distance  
Say I love you when you're not listening  
How long can we keep this up up up_

Just after he strums the last chord of his unfinished song, Cameron looks up at me and smiles. It's that sweet, genuine and caring smile that never always makes my heart flips. "Well, look at this," he says teasingly. "The sleepy head is finally awake. I was starting to think that I should just dump a bucket of cold water on you."

"Haha, real funny," I say sarcastically. "Just add more things to my things-I-have-to-do-but-I'm-to-busy-to-do-it-now-so-I'll-just-do-it-later list."

"Well, you know I'll always help you with the laundry right," Cam shrugs. "Beside, I'll get to see you shirtless. That's a rare opportunity, you know," he says, winking at me.

I look down, feeling my cheeks getting warmer. _There he goes. He's flirting again._

He has been doing that recently. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or the things that he say just slips out of his mouth. But, that's a proof that he does have feelings for me. Right?

Sometimes I wonder when we're going to stop pretending and just fall into each others' arms. I mean, falling in love is the best thing that could happen to anybody right?

But I know better: Even if it is true, Robert Cameron Mitchell would never admit it if he really does have feelings for me. I mean, sure. Hannah, Lindsay, and Marissa all say that he's actually is in love with me. And I think they might be right. Sometimes, when I catch him looking at me, he has the same look that Bryce has when he's staring at McKynleigh. The way he smiles at me, the smile that is so genuine and caring, is similar to the smile Ellis give to Matheus. The way he would put his arms around me when we're watching glee every Tuesday night or just relaxing on the couch, it makes me feel safe and loved, just like the way Marissa looks in Samuel's arm.

But he's with Macy. His parents raised him to be a good Christian. In the end he always take a step back. As if all those thing he did to show his affection to me means nothing. As if we're just friends. Like he only cares about me as a little brother. When the truth, he actually feels more. He just doesn't want to admit it. Cameron will never call the feelings he has for me as love.

_Please don't stand so close to me  
I'm having trouble breathing  
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now_

"So, you're finishing your song?" I ask, as I walk to the kitchen. I open the fridge and take the milk from the fridge.

"Yeah," says Cameron, who had followed me to the kitchen and now sitting on the dining chair. "I'm halfway done."

"Cool," I say. I walk to the seat across Cameron's and sit there. "So, what is it about?" I look at my cereal and begin to eat.

"Well, you know. It's about how a friendship grows into something more," Cameron says. I look up at Cameron. He's giving me a meaningful look with his beautiful blue eyes. And is he blushing?

"So these two friends who had been really close with each other. And one day they start to feel weird feelings when they're around each other. They, well, fell in love."

Butterflies flutter in my stomach. My heart beats so hard, I can hear it in my ears. Is he somehow referring to our relationship?

"That's cool."

"Thanks," he says, a grin plastered on his face. "I really needd to finish it in three days."

"Why?"

"So I can sing it to Macy when she comes this weekend."

I feel like somebody have just slapped me across the face. I feel like somebody twists my stomach and stabs my heart.

"I mean that's how we starts our relationship," Cameron continues. "Being best friend since were little."

Jealousy. Hurt. Pain. Sadness. I feel it all in the same time.

I look down, praying that he didn't see my reaction. I stare at the rest of my cereal, not having the appetite anymore to eat.

"You okay Damo?" Cameron asks, his voice filled with worry. He walks up to me and lay his hand on my shoulder. As soon as the contact was made, I find myself hard to breath.

I have to get out of the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say. "I just realize that I'm late for my dancing class."

I shrug off Cameron's hand and stand up. I walk to the sink and dump my plate. I was about to open the tap when Cameron says, "Just leave it there." I turn around to face Cameron. "I'll wash them."

I nod. "Thanks," I murmur. Then, I walk to my bathroom.

_I'll give you everything I am  
All my broken heartbeats  
Until I know you'll understand_  
_  
And I will make sure to keep my distance  
Say I love you when you're not listening  
How long can we keep this up up up_

I close the bathroom door behind me and lock it. Leaning against the door, I close my eyes and sigh. _I'm such an idiot._

I take off my clothes and throw them to the laundry basket. After I step into the shower, I turn on the tap.

I can't believe this. I can't believe I'm so naïve. I thought he writes a song about me.

I can't believe Cameron set my hopes up and crush it in less than a minute. Again. I clench my fist, a single tear roll on my face.

Is he really that oblivious about my feeling? Or is he just scared of admitting them?

After I shower, I close the tap. With a towel wrapping my body, I step out of the shower and get dress. Then, I stand in front of the mirror, to make sure that I look okay. I stare at my reflection. I can't help to think why does he likes Macy more than he likes me.

_Easy,_ I hear a voice in the back of my head, scolding at me. _She's a GIRL, you're a BOY. Good Christians date girls, not boys. Beside she's flawless_.

"I know I'm not perfect like Macy," I murmur to myself. "But I'm willing to give him everything I have. Isn't that enough?"

_No. It's not. Not for him._  
_  
I keep waiting  
For you to take me  
You keep waiting  
To save what we have_

_ So I'll make sure to keep my distance  
Say I love you when you're not listening  
How long can we keep this up up up_

Sighing, I get out of the bathroom and walk to the bedroom. After closing the door behind me, I walk to my bedside table. I open its drawer. I pull a collage photo out and a smile immediately spread across my face.

There are some Cameron's and my individual photo, mostly Cameron's. There's that time when I secretly took a photo of him when he asleep, or when he was writing a song or just dabbling with his guitar.

It has some photos of Cameron and myself, like that time on the finale of The Glee Project, when we enjoy ourselves in the after party, and when we spend Christmas together.

I look at Cameron's blue eyes. His charming smile. His perfect messy hair. His pink lips that I've been longing to kiss.

I put the collage photo back to the bottom of the drawer and close it. I stare at the wall and shake my head.

Even though Cameron always play with my feelings by flirting and fooling around while he has a girlfriend, I'm still waiting for him. I'm still waiting for him. I'm waiting for him to realize that he does have the same feeling for me and just show it to me.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep holding on that hope. I mean the chance of that happening is really, really slim.

Because he's a good Christian. He has a pretty and talented girlfriend. And even if he does like me, he will never admit it to the whole world. Not in a million years. And I know why.

He's afraid. He's afraid of other people's judgment. And I guess I understand that.

I guess that's why I tried to keep my distance. That's the reason why I decided that the farthest our relationship can go is as best friend. As brothers.

Sure, it hurts. Seeing him together with Macy, yet still flirting and show so many affection towards me. But I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

I'm willing to be the one who's crying silently, who cry himself to sleep. I'm willing to say I love you whenever he's not listening. I'm willing to go through all the heartache as long as he's happy and comfortable. Even though I'm not the reason of his happiness.

_Make sure to keep my distance  
Say I love you when you're not listening  
How long can till we call this love love love_

I grab my dancing bag from my seat. As I slung the bag, I stare at the photo of me and Cameron on the day I won the Glee Project. I smile sadly at the photo. "I love you," I whisper softly.

I walk out of the room and to the living room, where I found Cameron back on the seat next to the window with his guitar. "I'm going now," I say.

"You want me to pick you up?" Cameron asks.

"Nah," I say. "I'm planning on having lunch near the dance studio with Chord, Darren, and Samuel afterwards."

"Oh," Cameron says. I can hear a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Alright then. I'll see you tonight?"

I nod. "See you tonight." Cameron smiles and starts to play his unfinished song. I start to walk to the door. But after taking three steps I stop. I look back at Cameron, who's busy. I smile and softly, I whisper three words that I've been longing for him to hear:

"I love you."

I continue to walk away and touch the doorknob. Before I can even open the door, I hear Cameron murmurs the four words I've been longing for him to say to me:

"I love you too."

I smile. Those four words, they set my hopes high. Even though I know in the end I'm going to get hurt all over again.

_One day,_ I think to myself as I turn the door knob and step out. _One day he'll be ready and we don't have to keep our distance anymore. _

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